My Darling Succubus

This is a dream I never seem to run out of... It's been more than fifteen years since I started having it and I still get it, in different versions, every once in a while. It's one of those dreams... like the one with the sharks. I hate to think that one day I 'll stop having them, that they 'll go away and leave me all alone in the night.

In this dream, there is a woman. She tempts me and I try to keep myself from succumbing to her charms, because I want to be faithful to my lover. I remember my lovers' face and name in the dream the way they are in the real world. My real world lover is always a woman and this dream woman is antagonising her. I try to remain faithful. She will do anything she can to have me, she'll use her magic and she'll force me to give her what she needs.

Sometimes I resist. Sometimes I succumb. Sometimes I 'm a woman too but it doesn't seem to stop her. Sometimes she's a boy and I have no defence against her. Once she was an old woman and she promised me a shitload of money to sleep with her- and when I did, her young, muscular boyfriend kicked down the door and shot me in the head. I felt pretty stupid about that one. Another time, I was a Cheetah-man and she was three witches; I shapeshifted into my beastman form and attacked them, but the younger one used her sexual powers on me so that all my animal rage turned to sexual lust and instead of ripping them all three to shreds with my talons I gaver her the thing she wanted from me... and felt pretty damn stupid again...

Of course I know who this woman is. And why she wants to take me away from the women that have me. When I was young, as I imagined my life as a woman, it never occured to me that I could love other women, and still be one myself. It looks like, deep down inside, this is a lesson I haven't yet fully swallowed. There were times when my relationships with women have actually held me back from living the life I really want to...

But, ah, that's what's bound to happen when you 're both bisexual and monogamous...