Mama Roach
My place must be some kind of breeding ground for giant roaches, 'cause I just killed the fifth one in five years.
Wait.
They were all in the same place, the bedroom, or the balcony outside the bedroom. The one I just killed is the second I found at the exact same fucking spot, on the wall just next to the balcony door. The other three were all inside the bedroom, under the bed or over it. One, the biggest one, a real queen roach, was sitting on the wall just over the bed and I only heard her because she beat her wings. I 've never heard a bug make a fatter, louder buzz in my life and I swear it was the biggest roach I 've ever seen. It was so big I was really sad after I killed it. I mean... it was a beautiful animal, in a way... but there was no fucking way I was going to leave it alive, in my bedroom, OK? And then, there was that other one that came out from other the bed walking like its' legs were broken or something and Ada saw it and screamed and I got out of the bathroom and had to do as if I was the man of the house, again, dammit!
We do get roaches in the rest of the house but they were never that big. Phew, I mean, thank all the gods and goddesses! I wonder if it's possible that those big ones somehow get born in my balcony and then they come back to breed. I 'm saying 'cause the first one I saw, it was right next to me on the wall next to the balcony, in the exact same spot where I saw tonight's one, only, it had a smaller one on its' back. And I think the smaller one was a male and they were... you know... yech... lleach!! On my fucking balcony!! Argh! Dah, whatever... I wonder what is their relation with the smaller ones from the kitchen. Maybe the small ones are all males, or they 're just the same as the big ones, except only some of them make it that far and live long enough to get that big. Still, it's weird. I mean, five stupid years in a row, you know? What the fuck?
And you know what was really weird with tonight's one? I heard it completely by chance, as I was looking outside the balcony door, I can't remember what for... maybe I went to pull the curtain, I don't remember... and I heard a little rustling noise and I looked and there it was. I tried to kill it with my sandal, but I missed and then I couldn't see it and I had to get back inside and put my boots on and then go out and move the flower pots around 'till I found it and stepped on it and, oh man, it was all I could do not to jump off the railing! And that's not the weirdest thing, 'cause all through this, from the moment I looked outside to the moment I did a little St. Vitus dance of horror and disgust over the not-so-little splash of crushed insect wishing I could just cut my leg off and throw it away, some damn cicada who must have fell over and couldn't get right up again was raising hell from the back yard, right under my balcony. It must have gone on for five minutes, as I was moving stuff around and while I was killing the beast and it only stopped after I 'd got it all over with and I was back inside. It was really weird, I 'm telling you and it didn't help that I was wondering whether I was having some kind of flashback and the roach wasn't really there... Oh but, it was...
I just don't want to think what could have happenned if I hadn't looked outside the moment I did, or if the roach hadn't made a sound when it did. You know, it's hot like hell these nights in Athens and I just can't sleep with my windows closed.
At least I got it, 'cause if I had missed it, either I 'd spent the whole night watching the balcony door, or I 'd have closed it and suffocated in my sleep, you know?
Wait.
They were all in the same place, the bedroom, or the balcony outside the bedroom. The one I just killed is the second I found at the exact same fucking spot, on the wall just next to the balcony door. The other three were all inside the bedroom, under the bed or over it. One, the biggest one, a real queen roach, was sitting on the wall just over the bed and I only heard her because she beat her wings. I 've never heard a bug make a fatter, louder buzz in my life and I swear it was the biggest roach I 've ever seen. It was so big I was really sad after I killed it. I mean... it was a beautiful animal, in a way... but there was no fucking way I was going to leave it alive, in my bedroom, OK? And then, there was that other one that came out from other the bed walking like its' legs were broken or something and Ada saw it and screamed and I got out of the bathroom and had to do as if I was the man of the house, again, dammit!
We do get roaches in the rest of the house but they were never that big. Phew, I mean, thank all the gods and goddesses! I wonder if it's possible that those big ones somehow get born in my balcony and then they come back to breed. I 'm saying 'cause the first one I saw, it was right next to me on the wall next to the balcony, in the exact same spot where I saw tonight's one, only, it had a smaller one on its' back. And I think the smaller one was a male and they were... you know... yech... lleach!! On my fucking balcony!! Argh! Dah, whatever... I wonder what is their relation with the smaller ones from the kitchen. Maybe the small ones are all males, or they 're just the same as the big ones, except only some of them make it that far and live long enough to get that big. Still, it's weird. I mean, five stupid years in a row, you know? What the fuck?
And you know what was really weird with tonight's one? I heard it completely by chance, as I was looking outside the balcony door, I can't remember what for... maybe I went to pull the curtain, I don't remember... and I heard a little rustling noise and I looked and there it was. I tried to kill it with my sandal, but I missed and then I couldn't see it and I had to get back inside and put my boots on and then go out and move the flower pots around 'till I found it and stepped on it and, oh man, it was all I could do not to jump off the railing! And that's not the weirdest thing, 'cause all through this, from the moment I looked outside to the moment I did a little St. Vitus dance of horror and disgust over the not-so-little splash of crushed insect wishing I could just cut my leg off and throw it away, some damn cicada who must have fell over and couldn't get right up again was raising hell from the back yard, right under my balcony. It must have gone on for five minutes, as I was moving stuff around and while I was killing the beast and it only stopped after I 'd got it all over with and I was back inside. It was really weird, I 'm telling you and it didn't help that I was wondering whether I was having some kind of flashback and the roach wasn't really there... Oh but, it was...
I just don't want to think what could have happenned if I hadn't looked outside the moment I did, or if the roach hadn't made a sound when it did. You know, it's hot like hell these nights in Athens and I just can't sleep with my windows closed.
At least I got it, 'cause if I had missed it, either I 'd spent the whole night watching the balcony door, or I 'd have closed it and suffocated in my sleep, you know?
posted by Stassa at 8/01/2005 03:29:00 AM
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